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February 28, 2021 3 min read
THE 5 DISCIPLINES OF LOVE
Create the relationship you've always imagined
Relationships are one of life’s greatest sources of joy, but they can also be a tremendous source of pain. When you decide to share your life with someone, you invite them in to take in all the good and all the bad, and you agree to accept their triumphs and shortcomings as well.
Regardless of your current relationship status, you can use these principles to not only feel more fulfilled with yourself, but you’ll be able to bring a whole lot more to the table when you are with a beloved partner.
1.THE DISCIPLINE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE & COMPASSION
Have you been making things all about you and your needs instead of thinking about your partner? This behavior won’t help you to create a healthy relationship. Instead, always put your lover first — it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life.
2.THE DISCIPLINE OF ABSOLUTE COURAGE & VULNERABILITY
It’s easy to build walls to try to protect yourself. We do this all the time because we’re afraid of getting hurt in love. By withholding your love out of fear, you’re inflicting pain on your partner and creating doubt about your bond. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations. Don’t just be physically present, be fully present — give your lover your undivided focus.Any time you lose trust, interest, or commitment to your partner, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection. Stay connected! Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower. This requires time and attention, but your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be.
3.THE DISCIPLINE OF KNOWING THE TRUTH
Every couple fights; it’s inevitable. But the couples that are successful in creating long term joy and commitment know one crucial thing: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems.When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed. However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself openly, and from the heart. It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share. Remember to use phrases that avoid blame. If problems arise in your relationship, it’s important to remember there are two people involved in creating them, recognizing that you are in charge of your emotions and can reshape how you discuss the conflict with your partner.
4.THE DISCIPLINE OF TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH
Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state. If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself.Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you. Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions. Find your ultimate purpose in life and create a plan to achieve it. The foundation of this is embracing your authenticity — what do you want? This question applies to all aspects of your life, including your career, health, finances, and your relationship.
5.THE DISCIPLINE OF GIVING FREEDOM
The power of forgiving, forgetting, and flooding. Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes? Whenever we have painful experiences, we can either learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others. People often blame their partners for past misdeeds or hold old grudges against them. If you want passion, set your partner free. If you’re committed to making your relationship work, then learn how to forgive and forget. See the mistake from their perspective. Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy. Once you’re able to move past old mistakes, learn to flood yourself with all the good moments of your relationship. Sure, your partner may have done something to hurt you in the past, but let yourself focus on all the moments of beauty, love, and gratitude that have also been present throughout the relationship.
Neither you nor your partner is perfect, but if you’re committed to one another, you can create your ideal relationship. Incorporate the five disciplines of love and other strategies into your relationship to ignite passion and create joy.
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