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December 27, 2020 3 min read
Learn to use fear to your advantage
What stops us from moving forward? Fear. If you’re an achiever you probably call it stress. Stress is fear. We all experience fear in some context during our lives: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of love, fear of being alone, or fear of the unknown. In fact, it’s hard-wired in all human beings – nothing we do in our lifetime will take the fear away.
So, what’s the best way to deal with fear?
1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.
When you're afraid (of criticism, failure, and rejection), you'll do anything to try to become "perfect." Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, love, and acceptance for your true self.
2. You settle for less than your dreams.
When you're afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life is as good as it gets. When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream. You compromise in the name of being "realistic." But settling isn't realism; it's a devastating symptom of fear.
3. You say yes when you mean no.
When you're afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don't say yes, you'll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to resentment. But when fear is no longer running the show, you say no when it feels self-loving. As they say, "No" is a complete sentence. This doesn't mean you won't devote yourself to generosity and service. It means the service stems from a genuine love-based (rather than a fear-based) motivation.
4. You numb yourself with food, alcohol, technology, or excessive busyness.
Fear causes inner pain, which we desperately try to numb with substances and behaviors. But these only put a temporary Band-Aid on the pain and ultimately decrease our self-esteem in the long run. When you're not afraid to be quiet with yourself, face your inner demons, and heal from the core, you'll no longer need the distractions. You'll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom on the other side of your journey.
5. You struggle to make decisions.
When you're afraid, you avoid making the decisions your soul knows you must make. Your intuition tells you it's time to leave that toxic relationship. Or quit that soul-sucking job. Or set boundaries with your mother. But you're terrified of the uncertainty. What you'll discover on the other side of fear, though, is that uncertainty is the gateway to possibility. When you don't know what the future holds, anything could happen.
6.You are a control freak.
When we are afraid, we feel the need to micromanage everything. You'll mistakenly think you live in a hostile, random world that's out to get you unless you grab the wheel with both hands and steer your life toward what you want. When you make the journey from fear to faith, you'll trust that it's a friendly universe and you can surrender to the flow of life and accept what is.
So, how do you move past fear?
When you develop the right relationship with fear and uncertainty, fear can be the finger pointing toward everything in need of healing in your life. Here are a few ways you can change your relationship with fear right now.
🔹 Focus on what you appreciate
🔹Question your beliefs
🔹Trust the universe
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