January 28, 2021

Extraordinary couples are just like you -  except they make love intentional

It’s so easy to fall in love. Remember the excitement, the romance, and the lust? Sure, there were some challenges, but you were so happy as you explored whether you wanted to let this fascinating person into your bed, your heart, and your bank account. You planned dates, you dressed to impress, and you opened up your vulnerabilities. You made that person your top priority, and they made you feel like the most important person on the planet. And the sex? It was hot, it was fun, and it was frequent. Yes indeed, you were really, really good at falling in love. Because novelty and biochemistry were on your side.

How’s that working out for you these days? If you are like most long-term couples, the thrill has waned.

Once you achieved your goal – essentially, you made a commitment – your system shifted from pursuit to contentment. Novelty faded, the prize was won, and cuddling and complacency replaced sizzle and surprise. Fast forward a few years and you may find yourself in what I call Marriage Incorporated. Together, you do a great job of running your family – the mortgage is paid, kids get to dance class on time, and you even squeeze in a week of vacation here and there. But it’s nothing like when you fell in love, is it? You may find you are friends more than lovers – roommates running a business – instead of that passionate duo you were when you started.

Is it possible to reignite passion and excitement?The answer is yes.

Extraordinary couples – that are deeply connected, playfully adventurous, wildly affectionate and sizzlingly sexy – are just like you. Except they make their love intentional.

In business, in fitness, and even in your hobby, you don’t just sit around and wait for things to get better. So why do that in love? Research indicates that a strong romantic relationship is the biggest predictor of happiness, good health, and long life. So stop taking your relationship, and your partner, for granted. Take action. Instead of waiting around for passion, become a passion.

If you want an extraordinary relationship, you need to master the three keys to passion. What are those?

Intimacy: Emotional closeness, communication, conflict management – the feeling that no one knows you better.

ThrillExcitement, attraction, adventure – the butterflies in the stomach.

SensualityEroticism, cuddling, sex – the entire spectrum from kissing goodnight to holding hands, from making tender love to raw lustful passion

Now, I want you to rate your relationship. Great couples are strong in all three keys to passion – in other words, they have a balanced Passion Triangle. Currently, where are you strong and where are you weak?

Passion is a teachable skill. It takes intention, effort, and action – but starting today, you can choose to make love a verb. You can choose to improve the weak areas of your passion triangle, one step at a time. 

Set daily relationship intentions

So here is your challenge: Most mornings, commit to spending five minutes with your partner. Silently think of a small or large relationship intention. Then share it. “I intend to read that article you sent me on how to apologize like a champion” or “I intend to take you on a spontaneous date tonight – be ready at 7 o’clock,” or “I intend to kiss you hello when you get home from work.”

Then, commit to spending two minutes at the end of the day reviewing your progress.How did you do? Did you turn your intentions into actions? Did you forget? Can you tweak your intentions to make them even more actionable?

Because falling in love is easy. But staying in love takes mindfulness. Luckily, tomorrow is a new day, and we can choose, once again, to make love intentional.


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